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October 2, 2011 / Man in the Mirror

6 Secrets To Finding The Right Partner

Back in the mid 90’s I had a successful brand marketing business, a beautiful house in the Hollywood Hills (complete with killer view and hot tub) and a great social life. What I didn’t have, and what I longed for, was a family of my own.

One day, I decided to sit down and write a partnership strategy for me, and a marketing plan to find him.  That’s right, I put finding love at the top of my “to-do list” and gave myself the most important assignment of my life.
During the five years I had been divorced, I had let love come in and out of my life without any long-term success.  But, when I wrote down my hearts desire… POW… everything clicked!  Within six months, I found Steven Roffer — the love of my life – and future business partner.  Here’s how you can find a partner in love or in business (or in my case, both):
SECRET #1: Get Clear On What You Bring To The Table
Write down your strengths, talents, passions and interests to unearth the essence of who you are and what you bring to a relationship. Draw parallels between past partners and try to assess what went wrong and what went right.  From this new awareness, you may need to vow to do things differently the next time.
SECRET #2: Imagine Your Life With The Right Partner
Throw out the rulebook. Forget about following your feelings (they usually get you into trouble). Sit down and write out what your life or your business would be like with the right partner in it.  Imagine every aspect of the relationship and what it would bring. Know that being rescued is out of the question and that rescuing someone else will never work.  This has to be a win-win deal.
SECRET #3: Define The Qualities You Are Looking For
An “is/is not list” creates a filter for your search. Here’s an example of one I would use to find a business partner.  Create your own to help you powerfully set your intention (and your boundaries).
My ideal partner is…                                 My ideal partner is not…

  • Experienced                                 Complacent
  • Confident                                         Arrogant
  • Self Sufficient                                 Needy
  • Financially Solvent                                 Desperate
  • Conscientious                                 Sloppy
  • Ambitious                                         Lazy
  • Charismatic                                         Egotistical
  • Cooperative                                         Argumentative
  • Authentic                                         Faking It
  • Giving                                         Co-dependent

SECRET 4#: Figure Out What’s Stopping You
Lots of things can stand in the way of your success. Fear and lack of self-esteem are the big ones. Once you get clear on what’s keeping you from attracting the right partner, do what’s necessary to instill confidence and courage.
SECRET #5: Spread The Word & Make A Plan
The fastest way to find the right partner is to tell everyone you know what you are looking for and how you plan to complement each other.  Then, do research to find the places and events where you could meet your partner – look for workshops, classes, trade association events, online groups, etc.   Take out your calendar and fill it up!
SECRET #6: Be Yourself And Tell Your Greatest Story
I wasn’t my husband’s type by a long shot. But, I was confident, and a bit sassy, and he liked that. Once trust was established, I told him my story truthfully and in the most positive way without apologizing for myself. It didn’t take long for him to start loving this blond after years of brunettes.
When it comes to finding the right partner, you can’t get into someone’s life unless you get out of your routine.  If I wouldn’t have left my house and made it though a torrential El Nino downpour to a party in Beverly Hills some 15 years ago, I would have never have seen Steven across a crowded room and been struck by lightning.
If you stand still, you can never move forward.  What will you do today to find the partner you’ve been looking for?
Robin Fisher Roffer is a leading brand strategist and reinvention specialist. Founder and CEO of Big Fish Marketing, she is the author of Make A Name For Yourself: 8 Steps Every Woman Needs To Create A Personal Brand Strategy For Success, The Fearless Fish Out Of Water: How To Succeed When You’re The Only One Like You, and Reinventing Yourself: 10 Steps To Shifting Your Career Into High Gear. Learn about her Reinvent Yourself! Workshops at


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