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April 30, 2013 / Man in the Mirror

Mothers, why are you so afraid when yours sons get married?

It had happened again. I was sitting in another gathering where a mother lamented that her son was getting married and now these were the last few months until her son would show her affection because he was getting married.

I am sorry…I can not understand this school of thought. Each of us play different roles in each other’s lives…we have different responsibilities. Why do mothers think so lowly of their sons? Are they saying that their sons can’t tell the different between a spouse and a mother? That their sons don’t have the capability to show affection to more than one woman? What happens when the son has a sister or a daughter? Would the mother continuously be jealous? Did the mother think of herself as her son’s spouse instead of a mother, that she is jealous of his getting married?

For a healthy relationship to remain in a household between a mother and a spouse, mothers need to allow their sons to be independent and trust them to make decisions and choices based on their individual relationships instead of competing.

And…those mothers need to remember…they already have husbands to be emotionally dependent on…and sons are not supposed to replace husbands!

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4 Comments

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  1. Joshua X. Martinez / May 2 2013 11:17 pm

    I think the husband and wife need to grow up and be responsible for their own relationships, not only with their in laws, but with any relationships. Someone else can not fix your relationship problems…only you can. Also, if you truly love someone you are not going to blame them or expect them to give up or fix their blood relationships. After all, the love between most children and their parents is unconditional. When a couple gets divorced the love either ends or is not nurtured anymore. Blood relationships are usually unconditional. I think it’s selfish to try to make your partner responsible for the fact that you don’t like or can’t get along with his or her family members. And….motherhood is sacred and all mothers should be highly respected, unless of course they have done something terrible and do not cherish their children. I think this problem is really about insecurity and jealousy. Time to buck up!

  2. Ross Q. Reyes / May 6 2013 4:46 am

    I got married about two years ago. My mother in law never saw me at that the time of marriage because she was overseas. When we got married- my spouses mother ended up in the hospital (or she was pretending to go through shock). My spouse was so traumatized about his mother becoming sick and his relatives putting the guilt trip on them- that he never resided with me and wanted to wait to live with each other until he obtained his moms approval. Now finally- two years later his mom has seen me and met me recently. She is still being a ****. She tries to play mind games with both of us and tells me that my spouse really doesn’t want to be with me, Of course my spouse (mommas boy) doesn’t see this but I can see it clearly. She has even asked her son to chose either me or her (and has told him that she will die if he choses me) and of course my spouse is heart broken and is going through depression because of this. We are on the verge of getting a divorce because of her. My mother in law does not respect me at all and she does not care that I am married to her son. What to do?

  3. Desiree K. Bean / May 7 2013 4:44 am

    Throughout history mothers with their children have often been the subject of artistic works, such as paintings, sculptures or writings.

  4. Keven F. Barton / May 8 2013 5:49 am

    rinra, keep keeping busy! I have learned that once they grow up, marry and leave for good, it will never be the same. I am not talking about a son either, but my oldest daughter.I have stopped expecting anything from her or my grandson, to whom I was like a second mother.When I got separated from my husband it got even worse.This is that time in our life when we have to realize that we are done with that phase, and we have to find new people and new interests for OURSELVES. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but I am gradually becoming glad to let go, and start living my life for what matters to me.It can actually end up being adventurous and exciting, just give it time!Good luck to you!

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